When a relationship ends, it’s easy to get caught up in the emotions and forget that regardless of how sour or sweet the breakup was, you still have the power to pick up the pieces and repair the relationship. According to new research, almost 50% of couples that break up end up back together again. Sure, it could be a little messy and maybe even tumultuous at times, but the proof is in the pudding – even the worst breakups don’t mean that things are over forever. Now, that’s not to say that you should be rushing back to your ex, begging for their time and forgiveness, or anything even remotely close to that. Getting an ex back takes a bit of time and strategy. After all, either you or your partner (or maybe the both of you) weren’t satisfied – and to the point that you called it quits. So, the next steps you take have to be carefully planned in order to effectively get back with your ex and get them to see past the breakup and any problems you had in your relationship.
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Are You Just Missing Them?
We hate to be the bearer of bad news, but before proceeding with the next steps, you have to take some time to think about how you really feel about your ex and the relationship. Again, things ended for a reason, whether or not you’re able to agree or see that at this point. You’re naturally going to miss your ex, especially if you shared lives for a significant period of time. Even if the relationship was toxic or hurtful, you can and likely will still miss your ex. So, it’s absolutely imperative that you take some time to let the breakup sit in and allow the emotions to settle, so you can think clearly about whether or not this is a relationship you actually want to repair. And if you do, then let’s get you ready to do just that.
Start With The No Contact Rule
The first step to getting your ex back is to stop all contact. Stop liking his stuff on Facebook, don’t slide into his DMs, don’t send him those late-night texts or tear-filled phone calls – you name it – do not contact your ex. Just don’t do it. No matter how difficult it is or how good of an idea it may seem, don’t do it. No contact for 30 days.
It’s the number one rule for a variety of reasons, with many dating coaches and relationship experts saying that it comes down to psychology. Not only will this time away from your ex allow some of the wounds to heal and bad memories and emotions to fade away, but it can also make them start thinking about you in a romantic way. It can cause them to start missing you as a person, and missing you in their daily lives, and can even get them to start thinking about how better their life was with you in it. It can also get their brain thinking about the things you’re doing, piquing their curiosity and interest. They may even be so bothered by not knowing what’s going on with you that they’ll go out of their way to find out. This puts a ton of power and potential in your hands.
On the contrary, let’s say that you skip this step. The dust doesn’t get a chance to settle. Your ex may not be ready to talk to you yet. Your post-breakup emotions can cause you to make detrimental mistakes. Most importantly, your ex may not give you the response that you’re looking for because they haven’t had time to process what has happened or miss you.
So, activate the no contact rule. You only have to do it for a minimum of 30 days and as excruciating as it may seem, 30 days of no contact is much easier than doing a lifetime of no contact. Sit tight. Focus on yourself and your own healing. Live your life.
Keep Your Relationship Off The Internet
As tempting as it may be to confess your love for your ex (or bash them) online, do everything in your power to refrain from doing so. Your emotions are running high, and what you put out there on the internet cannot be taken back. You do not want to post something that you regret or that pushes your ex even further away from you.
But I get it. You do have every right to express yourself and it’s totally okay to do so, but the internet is not the place for it. Instead, write your thoughts out in a journal or a private blog, talk to friends and family about the way you’re feeling, or write out what you wish you could say in your phone’s notepad section. This will save you from making the detrimental mistake of posting about your relationship, your breakup or your ex online. It doesn’t matter if your ex was or is in the wrong, or if they post something about you and the breakup. Keep it classy and keep it off of the internet. You’ll thank me for this tip later.
Just Live Your Best Life
If you want to post on social media, post your living your life! Keep doing the things you love to do, as hard as they may be to do right now. After all, you’re going through a breakup and probably don’t feel like having a laugh with friends or getting dressed up for a night out on the town. Try to do it anyway. Do the things that made you happy before and during your relationship – hang out with your friends, go out for drinks, go for a hike at your favourite park, snuggle your puppy, and so on and so forth. Whatever brings you happiness, do that (unless it’s contacting your ex – don’t do that) and share those things on social media. Post selfies of you smiling and videos of you having a great time with your friends. If your ex still creeps your social media accounts (or you’re still connected with his friends), this little trick is certain to pique their interest. The second your ex sees that you’re out living your life and aren’t sitting at home crying, they will instantly want to contact you. And hey, this tip is also great for helping you get over the heartbreak and getting you back to feeling like your best self again.
So, live your life. Even if you don’t feel like it, do it anyway.
Don’t Play Games
No games allowed. As hurt as you may be and as tempting as using sneaky tactics are, these will only do more damage in the long run. Instead, use psychology-based tips and tricks, like what you receive in this article. Otherwise, if the advice you’re receiving is manipulative or hurtful, press next.
Again, your emotions are running high and this can cause you to do all kinds of things that are entirely out of your character or that put you in a negative limelight. When it comes to getting your ex back, always be the bigger person even if they aren’t (and if they aren’t, perhaps go back to step 1).
Be Careful Who You Take Advice
When going through a breakup, everyone and their mother seems to have the best advice for you. They know the best way to get over an ex, the perfect tactic to make them jealous, the easiest way to get them back, and so on and so forth. The only thing is that all of this advice, no matter how great it may seem, is all based on someone else’s experience and someone else’s relationship. So, be careful who you take advice from during this time. Unless they have a degree or are recognized as a professional or expert relationship coach, take their advice with a grain of salt. Otherwise, you could end up taking advice that throws your entire mission of getting your ex back off the rails. Make sure the advice you’re receiving comes from someone who knows what they’re talking about – and not just based on their own personal experiences.
Things You Will Need To Get Your Ex Back
Once you’ve followed these rules, have gone 30 days with no contact and have a clear state of mind that isn’t overtaken by your breakup emotions, it’s time to take action! This is the fun part, but you will need a couple of things to make sure that the relationship is capable of being repaired, including:
- A willingness to put in work (your ex doesn’t have to be on board right away but eventually, they will have to also have to be willing to put in some work)
- Complete trust in the other person (and vice versa, eventually)
- Healthy communication skills (that goes both ways)
- A desire to improve or change things for the better
- Practical and effective solutions that can repair the relationship issues that lead to the breakup so you can move forward
- Professional dating and relationship guidance (optional but super helpful and can be found in a program, self-help book, counselling etc.). We recommend The Ex Factor Guide.
All relationships can be repaired if – and that’s a fairly big if – these rules are followed and both people have a desire and willingness to work. Your ex doesn’t have to be on board at first but eventually, they will need to be if you plan on making this work. But start with the 30 days of no contact. The rest will follow after that.
